i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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