I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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