I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
