just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
