He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
