And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
