Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize