I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
