Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
