his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
