I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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