She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
