Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
