he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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