also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
