Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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