I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
