If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
