Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
