the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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