My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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