how can u be prego again
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
