I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
