1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
