Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
