Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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