Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
