4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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