I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
