tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
