Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
