Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
