listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
