You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
