1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
