i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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