Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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