i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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