well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
