i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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