Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
