I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
