And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
