Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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