that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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