WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
