Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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