it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
