Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
