I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
