it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
