I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
