I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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