remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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