I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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