the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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