Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
