I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
