We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
