So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Randomize
