Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
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His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
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I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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