i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
