It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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