i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
