so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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