I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
