Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
