so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
