Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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