I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize