so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
