Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
