I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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