He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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